I have an exciting announcement for you all this week, one that I have been just dying to write about for weeks because it is all I can think about: Daniel and I are parents! I’m having a baby!!
I must admit that I’m really not enjoying this first trimester of pregnancy, but that’s just not that important—obviously, Daniel and I are both ridiculously excited and happy. I am overwhelmed by the fact that there is, right now, a tiny, brand new human being growing inside of me with its own unique, made-to-live-forever soul! God is so good!
My due date is June 9th, so right now I am eleven weeks along. On Monday of last week I had my first sonogram, which was incredible. The baby really looked like a baby, even at only nine weeks, and we got to see him or her move around, waving one of his arms and wiggling his lower half (for the sake of not getting wordy/awkward, I’ll use masculine pronouns this time, and switch off between the two for other entries). I never knew such a tiny little thing could be so darn cute! We also got to hear his little heartbeat, which is so much faster than mine.
I have another doctor’s appointment this afternoon, which isn’t going to be nearly so fun (in fact, I’m pretty sure it will not be fun at all). I wish I could have a sonogram every time! As far as I know, we won’t have another until around 20 weeks, when they’ll be able to tell the sex of the baby. That will be in January, I think. We haven’t decided for sure yet whether we want to find out or let it be a surprise…
Anyway, please pray for all three of us! I hope you enjoyed our good news—I sure enjoyed writing it. :)
Monday, November 23, 2009
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Love and Life in the Divine Plan
What is marriage, really? This week, the bishops of the United States voted to approve the release of their new pastoral letter on marriage called “Marriage: Love and Life in the Divine Plan.” This message from the bishops is so important today because of all the challenges and or threats to the institution of marriage. In their own words, “Our pastoral letter is an invitation to discover, or perhaps rediscover, the blessing given when God first established marriage as a natural institution and when Christ restored and elevated it as a sacramental sign of salvation.” After all, “God himself is the author of marriage.” Not us.
Here’s the gist of what the Church believes marriage to be, as authored by God and explained by our bishops.
· It is an institution created by God
· It is an indissoluble bond
· It is established by mutual consent
· It is a “lifelong partnership… of mutual and exclusive fidelity”
· It is an exclusive partnership between one man and one woman, who are complementary in their two distinct ways of being human
· It is a “unique communion of persons” through the mutual self-giving of conjugal love
· It is meant to image and point to Christ’s love for the Church
· It is ordered towards two equally important ends: the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children
One of my favorite quotes from the letter is this: “The love that is as strong as death is the love that prays and praises, caught up into divine love.” The idea that love can be “as strong as death” is an intense concept. This sentence says that love is this strong when it “prays and praises,” placing love and service of God at the forefront of married love. In my last entry, I cited Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s words: “Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction.” If that looking in the same direction means looking towards the cross of Christ, then married love can be “as strong as death,” caught up in the divine love which is itself stronger than death. Such a beautiful thought!
The bishops then go on to talk about several “fundamental challenges to the nature and purposes of marriage” today, which include: contraception, same-sex unions (by the way, way to go people of Maine!), divorce, and cohabitation.
All of these challenges can be seen as stemming from original sin, which harmed the original communion intended for marriage; but Jesus restored the institution by raising it to the dignity of a sacrament. Because I just can’t say it any better, I quote a paragraph from the bishops about this:
“In restoring to marriage its original meaning and beauty, Jesus proclaims what the Creator meant marriage to be ‘in the beginning.’ He does so because marriage will be made into the visible embodiment of his love for the Church. In his espousal of the Church as his Bride, he fulfills and elevates marriage. He reveals his own love’to the end’ (Jn 13:1) as the purest and deepest love, the perfection of all love. In doing this he reveals the deepest meaning of all marital love: self-giving love modeled on God’s inner life and love.”
In marriage, Daniel and I are called to give ourselves to each other as fully as Christ gave himself to the Church. That’s a pretty tall order. If every married couple and every single or engaged person discerning marriage were to read this letter and make this a goal in their own marriages, that would be pretty amazing! I’m reminded of Mahatma Gandhi’s suggestion (here I go with another quote) to “be the change you want to see in the world.”
Daniel and I can work towards loving as Christ loves through self-gift every day, even when it isn’t easy, and thus be the change that we (and the bishops) want to see in the world.
Here’s the gist of what the Church believes marriage to be, as authored by God and explained by our bishops.
· It is an institution created by God
· It is an indissoluble bond
· It is established by mutual consent
· It is a “lifelong partnership… of mutual and exclusive fidelity”
· It is an exclusive partnership between one man and one woman, who are complementary in their two distinct ways of being human
· It is a “unique communion of persons” through the mutual self-giving of conjugal love
· It is meant to image and point to Christ’s love for the Church
· It is ordered towards two equally important ends: the good of the spouses and the procreation and education of children
One of my favorite quotes from the letter is this: “The love that is as strong as death is the love that prays and praises, caught up into divine love.” The idea that love can be “as strong as death” is an intense concept. This sentence says that love is this strong when it “prays and praises,” placing love and service of God at the forefront of married love. In my last entry, I cited Antoine de Saint-Exupery’s words: “Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction.” If that looking in the same direction means looking towards the cross of Christ, then married love can be “as strong as death,” caught up in the divine love which is itself stronger than death. Such a beautiful thought!
The bishops then go on to talk about several “fundamental challenges to the nature and purposes of marriage” today, which include: contraception, same-sex unions (by the way, way to go people of Maine!), divorce, and cohabitation.
All of these challenges can be seen as stemming from original sin, which harmed the original communion intended for marriage; but Jesus restored the institution by raising it to the dignity of a sacrament. Because I just can’t say it any better, I quote a paragraph from the bishops about this:
“In restoring to marriage its original meaning and beauty, Jesus proclaims what the Creator meant marriage to be ‘in the beginning.’ He does so because marriage will be made into the visible embodiment of his love for the Church. In his espousal of the Church as his Bride, he fulfills and elevates marriage. He reveals his own love’to the end’ (Jn 13:1) as the purest and deepest love, the perfection of all love. In doing this he reveals the deepest meaning of all marital love: self-giving love modeled on God’s inner life and love.”
In marriage, Daniel and I are called to give ourselves to each other as fully as Christ gave himself to the Church. That’s a pretty tall order. If every married couple and every single or engaged person discerning marriage were to read this letter and make this a goal in their own marriages, that would be pretty amazing! I’m reminded of Mahatma Gandhi’s suggestion (here I go with another quote) to “be the change you want to see in the world.”
Daniel and I can work towards loving as Christ loves through self-gift every day, even when it isn’t easy, and thus be the change that we (and the bishops) want to see in the world.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Quotable
I’ve talked before about my love of song lyrics and have used a few in my entries in the past year. Another thing that I love, which I don’t think I’ve really used here before, is my love of quotes! As a writer, I am enthralled with the power and beauty of words and the way they work together to create meaning. Poetry, like the lyrics of a song, expresses human emotion on all levels beautifully and creates something that others can deeply connect with. But even non-poetic written prose or spoken language can carry great inspiration, wisdom, and insight about our human experience. In certain cases, the way words work together to carry meaning just rings so true for readers or listeners that those words become “quotable.” These quotes or sayings will then be used in others’ writing and conversation, advice, and humor; or simply savored by a reader for their inspirational quality.
So today, since I have been very busy this week writing an article and have not been able to put much thought into writing my blog entry, I have assembled for your reading pleasure some of my favorites. And since this blog is about “my Catholic marriage,” you can expect most of them to be about love and Christian in theme.
“Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” -Mother Teresa
“Every single one of us can do things that no one else can do - can love things that no one else can love. We are like violins. We can be used for doorstops, or we can make music.” -Barbara Sher
“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
“The three ingredients of a successful union between two . . . humor, commitment & undying love.” –Bill Cosby
“Pure love produces pure nonsense.” –Jonathan Klinger
“Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other -- it doesn't matter who it is -- and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.” –Mother Teresa
“As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” –Pope John Paul II
“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light, it scattered the night, and made the day worth living.” –Anonymous
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.” –William Shakespeare (Okay, so this one is actually poetry, but I still love it.)
“Who, being loved, is poor?” –Oscar Wilde
“Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.” –Pope John Paul II
“The years teach much which the days never know” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.” –C.S. Lewis
“Love keeps the cold out better than a cloak.” –Henry Wordsworth Longfellow
I always love hearing new good quotes—please share your favorite, or more than one, in a comment!
So today, since I have been very busy this week writing an article and have not been able to put much thought into writing my blog entry, I have assembled for your reading pleasure some of my favorites. And since this blog is about “my Catholic marriage,” you can expect most of them to be about love and Christian in theme.
“Tell me who admires and loves you, and I will tell you who you are.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
“I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love.” -Mother Teresa
“Every single one of us can do things that no one else can do - can love things that no one else can love. We are like violins. We can be used for doorstops, or we can make music.” -Barbara Sher
“Life has taught us that love does not consist in gazing at each other but in looking outward in the same direction.” -Antoine de Saint-Exupery
“The three ingredients of a successful union between two . . . humor, commitment & undying love.” –Bill Cosby
“Pure love produces pure nonsense.” –Jonathan Klinger
“Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other -- it doesn't matter who it is -- and that will help you to grow up in greater love for each other.” –Mother Teresa
“As the family goes, so goes the nation and so goes the whole world in which we live.” –Pope John Paul II
“It was only a sunny smile, and little it cost in the giving, but like morning light, it scattered the night, and made the day worth living.” –Anonymous
“To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children...to leave the world a better place...to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is to have succeeded.” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove:
O no! it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken.” –William Shakespeare (Okay, so this one is actually poetry, but I still love it.)
“Who, being loved, is poor?” –Oscar Wilde
“Freedom consists not in doing what we like, but in having the right to do what we ought.” –Pope John Paul II
“The years teach much which the days never know” –Ralph Waldo Emerson
“Do not waste time bothering whether you ‘love’ your neighbor; act as if you did. As soon as we do this we find one of the great secrets. When you are behaving as if you loved someone, you will presently come to love him.” –C.S. Lewis
“Love keeps the cold out better than a cloak.” –Henry Wordsworth Longfellow
I always love hearing new good quotes—please share your favorite, or more than one, in a comment!
Thursday, October 29, 2009
The October "Blah's"
This week I’m reminded of something Bilbo Baggins once told his nephew Frodo—that he felt “like a pat of butter spread over too much bread.” That’s a good description of how I feel right now.
I don’t have too much to write about this week. Between working overtime and then spending four plus hours in the car every day, I haven’t had time for much else. Leave when it’s dark, get home when it’s dark, make dinner (unless Daniel got home before me and already made it), eat dinner, make lunch for the next day, shower, and bed. We canceled our satellite service last week to save money, and since we don’t have much time for television anyway, so we watched a couple of our favorites online this week. It is actually working out pretty well, except for the occasional skipping/buffering of the video.
On Wednesday I wasn’t feeling well, so I stayed home from work and slept in very late—I didn’t get out of bed until 12:30! It was amazing. Then when I got up, I actually got to see the mid-week, mid-day sunshine sparkling on our pond. In any event, I really needed that day off. I don’t mean to sound so depressing—in fact, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Right around Thanksgiving, I am dropping down to a part-time position and will get to spend about five times fewer hours away from home than I do now. I can’t wait. In the meantime, I am spending my drive time listening to Jane Austen novels. The way I see it, traffic always makes me angry, but Jane Austen always makes me happy. They should even each other out, right? I think it’s been achieving its purpose, at least as much as it is able.
Daniel’s internship situation, which I believe I mentioned wasn’t so good a few weeks ago, has improved considerably. Many thanks to those of you who said a prayer for him. The problems have cleared up and he is now able to spend much more time at home, and only has to make the drive to school once or twice a week, which means he is usually home before me to get dinner made/started. I must say, it is so nice to be able to come home to my husband every night. He’s my daily “light at the end of the tunnel,” and these days I really need that.
Although you may scoff at this after reading today’s entry, in general my weekly blogging catches me in a fairly good mood, with the weekend so near. Have a good one, everyone, and a blessed Halloween, All Saints Day, and All Souls Day!
I don’t have too much to write about this week. Between working overtime and then spending four plus hours in the car every day, I haven’t had time for much else. Leave when it’s dark, get home when it’s dark, make dinner (unless Daniel got home before me and already made it), eat dinner, make lunch for the next day, shower, and bed. We canceled our satellite service last week to save money, and since we don’t have much time for television anyway, so we watched a couple of our favorites online this week. It is actually working out pretty well, except for the occasional skipping/buffering of the video.
On Wednesday I wasn’t feeling well, so I stayed home from work and slept in very late—I didn’t get out of bed until 12:30! It was amazing. Then when I got up, I actually got to see the mid-week, mid-day sunshine sparkling on our pond. In any event, I really needed that day off. I don’t mean to sound so depressing—in fact, there is a light at the end of the tunnel! Right around Thanksgiving, I am dropping down to a part-time position and will get to spend about five times fewer hours away from home than I do now. I can’t wait. In the meantime, I am spending my drive time listening to Jane Austen novels. The way I see it, traffic always makes me angry, but Jane Austen always makes me happy. They should even each other out, right? I think it’s been achieving its purpose, at least as much as it is able.
Daniel’s internship situation, which I believe I mentioned wasn’t so good a few weeks ago, has improved considerably. Many thanks to those of you who said a prayer for him. The problems have cleared up and he is now able to spend much more time at home, and only has to make the drive to school once or twice a week, which means he is usually home before me to get dinner made/started. I must say, it is so nice to be able to come home to my husband every night. He’s my daily “light at the end of the tunnel,” and these days I really need that.
Although you may scoff at this after reading today’s entry, in general my weekly blogging catches me in a fairly good mood, with the weekend so near. Have a good one, everyone, and a blessed Halloween, All Saints Day, and All Souls Day!
Friday, October 23, 2009
Alone
I’ve never lived alone. But for the first time, Daniel and I now live “alone” together.
Last Saturday we helped our good friend and roommate Caroline move into her new apartment, and were left with an empty and echoey (not quite sure how to spell that one since it’s not a real word) extra bedroom. Although the acoustics are wonderful (I put on a concert for myself while sweeping the floor), we need to get a carpet for that room stat. The echo is a little depressing.
Caroline lived with me for the ten months between purchasing the house and my wedding, and she has continued to live with Daniel and me since then, until now. The time has finally come. On the one hand, Daniel and I were admittedly looking forward to having our house completely to ourselves, in large part dreaming about the extra storage space so that our own overflowing “walk in” closet could be rescued.
In the past five months, a lot of people have given Caroline a hard time for “living with newlyweds.” “When are you moving?” they would all ask. I didn’t like that so much—after all, she had her own room with her own bathroom, and usually went home to her parents’ house on the weekends. Can we really have been that bad to live with, just because we were “newlyweds?” Yes, it was nice having a little bit of extra income with which to pay down debt, but mostly it was just nice having her around. We need to be moving on with our lives, which means that eventually we will need a second bedroom, but for now the door is closed (with the vent closed, too, to save on heating). It’s too sad to see the room empty.
It’s also sad not having my awesome carpool buddy for my long commute any more, since Caroline moved much, much closer to our place of work than I am. She already knows that I am rather jealous of the extra few hours she has in her day as a result.
In any event, Caroline’s move in a way marked a final transition into married life for Daniel and me. We now live alone together as husband and wife, our own family unit. And although we both miss Caroline, we like that. It will just take a little bit of getting used to, not a lot… we already filled her closet!
Luckily, I still get to see Caroline at work every day.
Last Saturday we helped our good friend and roommate Caroline move into her new apartment, and were left with an empty and echoey (not quite sure how to spell that one since it’s not a real word) extra bedroom. Although the acoustics are wonderful (I put on a concert for myself while sweeping the floor), we need to get a carpet for that room stat. The echo is a little depressing.
Caroline lived with me for the ten months between purchasing the house and my wedding, and she has continued to live with Daniel and me since then, until now. The time has finally come. On the one hand, Daniel and I were admittedly looking forward to having our house completely to ourselves, in large part dreaming about the extra storage space so that our own overflowing “walk in” closet could be rescued.
In the past five months, a lot of people have given Caroline a hard time for “living with newlyweds.” “When are you moving?” they would all ask. I didn’t like that so much—after all, she had her own room with her own bathroom, and usually went home to her parents’ house on the weekends. Can we really have been that bad to live with, just because we were “newlyweds?” Yes, it was nice having a little bit of extra income with which to pay down debt, but mostly it was just nice having her around. We need to be moving on with our lives, which means that eventually we will need a second bedroom, but for now the door is closed (with the vent closed, too, to save on heating). It’s too sad to see the room empty.
It’s also sad not having my awesome carpool buddy for my long commute any more, since Caroline moved much, much closer to our place of work than I am. She already knows that I am rather jealous of the extra few hours she has in her day as a result.
In any event, Caroline’s move in a way marked a final transition into married life for Daniel and me. We now live alone together as husband and wife, our own family unit. And although we both miss Caroline, we like that. It will just take a little bit of getting used to, not a lot… we already filled her closet!
Luckily, I still get to see Caroline at work every day.
Friday, October 16, 2009
My Husband the Gentleman
Even before I knew it by name, I have always believed chivalry to be very important. When I was a teenager, it was on my list of characteristics and qualities that I found particularly appealing in boys. This might sound crazy to you but yes, I really did have this list, and I really did go over it with a pencil and check it off whenever a cute new boy caught my attention. This list included everything from “is Catholic,” “has a relationship with God,” “likes kids,” and “my parents like him;” to “is taller than me” (I’m almost 5’9”), “makes me laugh,” “respects me,” and “has pretty eyes.” Seriously. And “is chivalrous” was close to the top of the list.
Clearly I had my eye out for chivalry for a while. When I met Daniel and we began dating five years ago, one of the first things that attracted me to him was that he was an almost perfect gentleman. I say “almost” because no one is perfect—but I happen to think my Daniel is pretty darn close.
When Daniel was with me, I never found myself opening a car door or any other door. If his arms were empty, mine immediately were cleared of whatever they were carrying (except for my purse, of course—he wouldn’t carry that). If he saw me shiver, he would give me his coat to wear over my own. Usually I wouldn’t let him though.
As the years went by, none of these chivalrous habits disappeared. Daniel wasn’t trying to impress me during our “courtship” phase. He’s just a gentleman, pure and simple. And I love it!
Now that we’re married, there’s an even more meaningful way that Daniel has been able to be a gentleman for me. In my experience with Natural Family Planning, I can tell you that I feel so respected and well cared-for by my husband in a very big way. He would never treat my healthy body, working perfectly as God designed it, as though it was diseased and in need of being “fixed” so as to be more readily available at all times for his own use.
Nor would he encourage me to put my health at risk. Millions (I’m guessing here) of dollars are spent every year by people who are prescribed pills that will help keep a less than healthy organ/system working properly. Something is not quite right when others, or perhaps even some of the very same people, are spending millions (also a guess) on a daily pill that is intended to prevent a healthy organ/system from working properly. Contraception is not the way to go. And I have a wonderful, chivalrous gentleman who knows that.
I should have written about this during Natural Family Planning Awareness Week but better late than never!
This pretty much sums up what I’m getting at here: One day over the summer, Daniel said to me, “I’m really glad that we don’t use birth control. I feel like that would really cause me to see you as more of an object, and you don’t deserve that.”
That is my “knight in shining armor;” I’m so glad I put chivalry on my list!
Clearly I had my eye out for chivalry for a while. When I met Daniel and we began dating five years ago, one of the first things that attracted me to him was that he was an almost perfect gentleman. I say “almost” because no one is perfect—but I happen to think my Daniel is pretty darn close.
When Daniel was with me, I never found myself opening a car door or any other door. If his arms were empty, mine immediately were cleared of whatever they were carrying (except for my purse, of course—he wouldn’t carry that). If he saw me shiver, he would give me his coat to wear over my own. Usually I wouldn’t let him though.
As the years went by, none of these chivalrous habits disappeared. Daniel wasn’t trying to impress me during our “courtship” phase. He’s just a gentleman, pure and simple. And I love it!
Now that we’re married, there’s an even more meaningful way that Daniel has been able to be a gentleman for me. In my experience with Natural Family Planning, I can tell you that I feel so respected and well cared-for by my husband in a very big way. He would never treat my healthy body, working perfectly as God designed it, as though it was diseased and in need of being “fixed” so as to be more readily available at all times for his own use.
Nor would he encourage me to put my health at risk. Millions (I’m guessing here) of dollars are spent every year by people who are prescribed pills that will help keep a less than healthy organ/system working properly. Something is not quite right when others, or perhaps even some of the very same people, are spending millions (also a guess) on a daily pill that is intended to prevent a healthy organ/system from working properly. Contraception is not the way to go. And I have a wonderful, chivalrous gentleman who knows that.
I should have written about this during Natural Family Planning Awareness Week but better late than never!
This pretty much sums up what I’m getting at here: One day over the summer, Daniel said to me, “I’m really glad that we don’t use birth control. I feel like that would really cause me to see you as more of an object, and you don’t deserve that.”
That is my “knight in shining armor;” I’m so glad I put chivalry on my list!
Friday, October 9, 2009
More on Love
I heard a homily this week that used the old James Dean film, Rebel without a Cause, which I have never seen, to illustrate that without God in one’s worldview, one’s life has no real meaning. In fact, in a world without God, there would be no purpose for anything at all.
Not too long ago, in the course of a conversation on this subject with a friend, Daniel once said something along the lines of: “I found out that I couldn’t really love Sarah unless I loved God first.” The response he received was, “But let’s just say that somehow you found out tomorrow with 100% certainty that God did not exist. Wouldn’t you still love Sarah?”
Tough question, with a short answer: “No.” But obviously, a short answer wasn’t going to cut it. My wonderful husband (although this was before he was my husband) went on to explain in the best way he could that if there was a way that God could be proved nonexistent beyond any shadow of doubt, loving me would not mean anything. It wouldn’t even be possible, because real love always comes from the God who is Love.
If true love between a husband and wife in this life is necessarily tied into eternal life with our Creator, as St. John Chrysostom suggests in the quote I used last week, then what purpose would love have in a godless world? “For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us…”
The question remains: Can you truly love someone if you don’t believe in God? I don’t think you can. Like I said, tough question. And a difficult answer to stomach, even for a believer. But God gives meaning to this life, and this life is all about relationship, with Him and with others in the world around us. I believe that.
Not too long ago, in the course of a conversation on this subject with a friend, Daniel once said something along the lines of: “I found out that I couldn’t really love Sarah unless I loved God first.” The response he received was, “But let’s just say that somehow you found out tomorrow with 100% certainty that God did not exist. Wouldn’t you still love Sarah?”
Tough question, with a short answer: “No.” But obviously, a short answer wasn’t going to cut it. My wonderful husband (although this was before he was my husband) went on to explain in the best way he could that if there was a way that God could be proved nonexistent beyond any shadow of doubt, loving me would not mean anything. It wouldn’t even be possible, because real love always comes from the God who is Love.
If true love between a husband and wife in this life is necessarily tied into eternal life with our Creator, as St. John Chrysostom suggests in the quote I used last week, then what purpose would love have in a godless world? “For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us…”
The question remains: Can you truly love someone if you don’t believe in God? I don’t think you can. Like I said, tough question. And a difficult answer to stomach, even for a believer. But God gives meaning to this life, and this life is all about relationship, with Him and with others in the world around us. I believe that.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
That's Love
Does anyone else find it really upsetting when you hear that the artist who sings one of your favorite, most genuine-sounding love songs has broken up with their boyfriend/girlfriend or separated from their husband/wife?
When Chuck Wicks released his song “Stealing Cinderella” and I heard it for the first time on country radio in 2007, I cried. This isn’t extremely unusual, since songs make me cry pretty often, especially if I’m driving in the car by myself. But it was a beautiful song that told a beautiful true story about a man asking his girlfriend’s father for her hand in marriage. At least, the radio announcers all said it was a true story.
The next thing I knew, later that year or maybe the next, I heard that Chuck and his fiancée had broken up. Luckily, they weren’t married yet (there are plenty of singer/songwriters whose beautiful love songs still on the air were written about ex-spouses). I’m sure that the ends of these relationships are all very sad stories, but still… it causes their old “love songs” not to ring quite so true. It’s sad. These songs tell all about “true love,” but the love didn’t last. What’s wrong with all this? What is love, really, if all these people thought they had it and then it ended?
Here is why I love the Church.
The Catechism gives us this:
“St. John Chrysostom suggests that young husbands should say to their wives: I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us… I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.” (CCC 2365)
That’s love. And doesn’t it sound a little bit like something Jesus might say to each one of us, perhaps from the cross?
Just a thought… and something to strive for in each of our marriages, now or in the future. Someone should put that in a love song. I’d bawl my eyes out.
When Chuck Wicks released his song “Stealing Cinderella” and I heard it for the first time on country radio in 2007, I cried. This isn’t extremely unusual, since songs make me cry pretty often, especially if I’m driving in the car by myself. But it was a beautiful song that told a beautiful true story about a man asking his girlfriend’s father for her hand in marriage. At least, the radio announcers all said it was a true story.
The next thing I knew, later that year or maybe the next, I heard that Chuck and his fiancée had broken up. Luckily, they weren’t married yet (there are plenty of singer/songwriters whose beautiful love songs still on the air were written about ex-spouses). I’m sure that the ends of these relationships are all very sad stories, but still… it causes their old “love songs” not to ring quite so true. It’s sad. These songs tell all about “true love,” but the love didn’t last. What’s wrong with all this? What is love, really, if all these people thought they had it and then it ended?
Here is why I love the Church.
The Catechism gives us this:
“St. John Chrysostom suggests that young husbands should say to their wives: I have taken you in my arms, and I love you, and I prefer you to my life itself. For the present life is nothing, and my most ardent dream is to spend it with you in such a way that we may be assured of not being separated in the life reserved for us… I place your love above all things, and nothing would be more bitter or painful to me than to be of a different mind than you.” (CCC 2365)
That’s love. And doesn’t it sound a little bit like something Jesus might say to each one of us, perhaps from the cross?
Just a thought… and something to strive for in each of our marriages, now or in the future. Someone should put that in a love song. I’d bawl my eyes out.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
Commas Are Important
It’s so true! An example that my friend Caroline likes to use is this one: “On June 6, 1944 soldiers stormed the beaches of Normandy.” Without a comma after 1944, the sentence loses its correct meaning and can cause confusion. There are other examples, too. By the end of this entry, you will understand the perhaps corny-seeming connection that I made in my mind. But you know me well enough by now to know that I don’t mind being corny.
This has been a very long week, to say the least. Traffic has been a nightmare, for starters. Actually, it has been for the last few weeks, since the school year started. Worse traffic should be expected when school is in, but it definitely was not this bad this past spring or even last fall.
Allow me to explain, and please have patience with me while I rant just a little bit. At 11 in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, or 8:30 at night, the drive from home to work or vice versa takes anywhere from 59 minutes (my record!) to one hour and 10 minutes. At rush hour on good days, it takes around an hour and 20 minutes, give or take a few. On bad days in the past it has taken an hour and 45 minutes to 2 hours. I’m pretty sure that at least 10 days out of the past 15, it has taken around 2 hours and 10 minutes to get to work in the morning. This Tuesday, I think we hit a record BAD for a “normal” drive (meaning that we weren’t really affected by any accidents, but it was all a result of my favorite word, “volume”): 2 hours and 15 minutes.
Sometimes I feel like all this traffic is making me a bitter person. I’m really trying not to let it, though. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest! But this blog is about “My Catholic Marriage,” so I’ll get right to that. Simple connection: Daniel has to battle the same traffic, going the same direction that I do, although he doesn’t have to go as far. He doesn’t have anyone to carpool with (I do), so he never gets to use the HOV lane, which is helpful for those mornings when it actually decides to work.
This is not exactly the way to start one’s day off “on the right foot.” And it can cause Daniel and me to get home to each other at the end of the day drained and grumpy. Seriously, it can color my whole day if I’m not careful.
So the traffic is one thing. Another is that, to make a long story short, I started a new position on Monday in a different department in my building, and I am now working 8 to 5 instead of 9 to 5. While this means I get less sleep and am thus more tired during my frustrating drive to work, it is actually a little easier for both Daniel and me to wake up because we now have to wake up at the same time.
The last thing I’ll mention is that Daniel has been having some problems with his internship recently, and they have really been weighing on him.
When kids are in elementary school, they learn that when reading aloud, a comma is where you pause and perhaps take a breath.
On Wednesday night, the middle of the week and the perfect time for a “comma,” Daniel and I were blessed to have the opportunity to attend Eucharistic Adoration. The praise and worship music was so calming, and Daniel and I both really needed to take our stresses to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. We really did need to “pause and take a breath” in the spiritual sense. It helped, just like it always does. Although it wasn’t one of the songs that was included in the program, the following song written by Dennis Jernigan came to mind. I first heard it sung by Martin Doman during Adoration at the 2003 Steubenville East Youth Conference in Attleboro, Massachusetts. Since I don’t have much else to say, I think I’ll end with the refrain of “If I Could Just Sit With You Awhile” as a prayer:
If I could just sit with You awhile
If You could just hold me
Nothing could touch me
Though I'm wounded, though I die
If I could just sit with You awhile
I need you to hold me
Moment by moment
Till forever passes by
This has been a very long week, to say the least. Traffic has been a nightmare, for starters. Actually, it has been for the last few weeks, since the school year started. Worse traffic should be expected when school is in, but it definitely was not this bad this past spring or even last fall.
Allow me to explain, and please have patience with me while I rant just a little bit. At 11 in the morning, 2 in the afternoon, or 8:30 at night, the drive from home to work or vice versa takes anywhere from 59 minutes (my record!) to one hour and 10 minutes. At rush hour on good days, it takes around an hour and 20 minutes, give or take a few. On bad days in the past it has taken an hour and 45 minutes to 2 hours. I’m pretty sure that at least 10 days out of the past 15, it has taken around 2 hours and 10 minutes to get to work in the morning. This Tuesday, I think we hit a record BAD for a “normal” drive (meaning that we weren’t really affected by any accidents, but it was all a result of my favorite word, “volume”): 2 hours and 15 minutes.
Sometimes I feel like all this traffic is making me a bitter person. I’m really trying not to let it, though. Thank you for letting me get that off my chest! But this blog is about “My Catholic Marriage,” so I’ll get right to that. Simple connection: Daniel has to battle the same traffic, going the same direction that I do, although he doesn’t have to go as far. He doesn’t have anyone to carpool with (I do), so he never gets to use the HOV lane, which is helpful for those mornings when it actually decides to work.
This is not exactly the way to start one’s day off “on the right foot.” And it can cause Daniel and me to get home to each other at the end of the day drained and grumpy. Seriously, it can color my whole day if I’m not careful.
So the traffic is one thing. Another is that, to make a long story short, I started a new position on Monday in a different department in my building, and I am now working 8 to 5 instead of 9 to 5. While this means I get less sleep and am thus more tired during my frustrating drive to work, it is actually a little easier for both Daniel and me to wake up because we now have to wake up at the same time.
The last thing I’ll mention is that Daniel has been having some problems with his internship recently, and they have really been weighing on him.
When kids are in elementary school, they learn that when reading aloud, a comma is where you pause and perhaps take a breath.
On Wednesday night, the middle of the week and the perfect time for a “comma,” Daniel and I were blessed to have the opportunity to attend Eucharistic Adoration. The praise and worship music was so calming, and Daniel and I both really needed to take our stresses to Our Lord in the Blessed Sacrament. We really did need to “pause and take a breath” in the spiritual sense. It helped, just like it always does. Although it wasn’t one of the songs that was included in the program, the following song written by Dennis Jernigan came to mind. I first heard it sung by Martin Doman during Adoration at the 2003 Steubenville East Youth Conference in Attleboro, Massachusetts. Since I don’t have much else to say, I think I’ll end with the refrain of “If I Could Just Sit With You Awhile” as a prayer:
If I could just sit with You awhile
If You could just hold me
Nothing could touch me
Though I'm wounded, though I die
If I could just sit with You awhile
I need you to hold me
Moment by moment
Till forever passes by
Friday, September 18, 2009
Blending
A couple of weeks ago, someone posted a comment asking me what some of the struggles of marriage are. “Obviously, blending two lives into one cannot be easy at times,” she wrote. “Marriage is an amazing sacrament, and I hope to one day be called to mirror Christ's love in the world through the sacrament of marriage. However, I think us single gals out there need to know some of the areas you really worked as an individual and as a couple to prepare for, along with areas you wish you had prepared more for.”
When I made my list of the joys of marriage last month, I mentioned how easy that task was. For me, listing the struggles of marriage is a little harder. Yes, “blending two lives into one is not easy at times.” Like learning to share a single bathroom sink and mirror when I want to tweeze my eyebrows and Daniel wants to shave. Or dealing with pet peeve issues, like when Daniel leaves recycling in the kitchen sink to be rinsed out “later” or I forget to turn the computer off when I’ve finished using it.
But I feel like I’m beating a dead horse with silly stuff like that. Daniel and I worked through the major stuff in the four and a half years we were together before we got married—religion, values, lifestyle, desires for the future, etc. Early on when we were dating, there was a lot to do in these areas. You can read about that in my entries from last summer and fall. Now there are, of course, the standard newlywed issues such as time (which I’ll talk about now) and money (which I talked about on 9/3).
Time is a big one for Daniel and me, as I know it is for so many couples, because our time together during the week is restricted to a few hours each evening after work. In that limited amount of time, there is dinner to be prepared, enjoyed, and cleaned up. Then there is mail to be sorted, exercise, and lunches to be made for the next day if we actually get around to it. Not to mention other miscellaneous chores or errands to be run. Relaxation is an issue that goes along with time. I am not good at relaxing when I know that there are things that need to be done. Daniel, however, has no problem with this whatsoever. I get upset when I see him sitting around while I feel so stressed by everything I “have to do,” but he sees this as my own problem: “You could sit down with me if you wanted to,” etc. Voila! Tension. And we don’t even have kids yet!
With so little time at home together every day, we never get to bed as early as we would like to. This leads to another issue: waking up in the morning. This might not be one you would think of, but it is a lot harder to find your way out from under the covers when there is another warm body sleeping peacefully next to you!
Speaking of covers, sharing them has proved to be somewhat of a challenge as well. Daniel doesn’t like the sheets to be tucked into the mattress around him, while I like to have a neatly made bed before I climb into it. Once I’m off in dreamland, though, that rule apparently no longer applies. Daniel calls me a “burrito”, because while I’m asleep I like to steal the covers away from him by rolling up into them, leaving him shivering.
Like I said, this stuff is all pretty silly for the most part. I’ve touched on other struggles in the past few months, such as balancing time spent with friends and family, and making decisions about money. The thing is that overall, I feel like Daniel and I did a very good job in preparing for marriage. We had our priorities and goals in sync with one other, which I think is the most important thing. In fact, our lives were already so intertwined before we got married that actually getting married and moving in together made our relationship easier. That is why answering this question was difficult for me. Our situation was pretty unique, though; we know this isn’t how it is for most people.
Maybe some readers who have been married for longer than Daniel and I have can help me out with answering this question about the struggles involved in the blending of lives in the sacrament of marriage…
When I made my list of the joys of marriage last month, I mentioned how easy that task was. For me, listing the struggles of marriage is a little harder. Yes, “blending two lives into one is not easy at times.” Like learning to share a single bathroom sink and mirror when I want to tweeze my eyebrows and Daniel wants to shave. Or dealing with pet peeve issues, like when Daniel leaves recycling in the kitchen sink to be rinsed out “later” or I forget to turn the computer off when I’ve finished using it.
But I feel like I’m beating a dead horse with silly stuff like that. Daniel and I worked through the major stuff in the four and a half years we were together before we got married—religion, values, lifestyle, desires for the future, etc. Early on when we were dating, there was a lot to do in these areas. You can read about that in my entries from last summer and fall. Now there are, of course, the standard newlywed issues such as time (which I’ll talk about now) and money (which I talked about on 9/3).
Time is a big one for Daniel and me, as I know it is for so many couples, because our time together during the week is restricted to a few hours each evening after work. In that limited amount of time, there is dinner to be prepared, enjoyed, and cleaned up. Then there is mail to be sorted, exercise, and lunches to be made for the next day if we actually get around to it. Not to mention other miscellaneous chores or errands to be run. Relaxation is an issue that goes along with time. I am not good at relaxing when I know that there are things that need to be done. Daniel, however, has no problem with this whatsoever. I get upset when I see him sitting around while I feel so stressed by everything I “have to do,” but he sees this as my own problem: “You could sit down with me if you wanted to,” etc. Voila! Tension. And we don’t even have kids yet!
With so little time at home together every day, we never get to bed as early as we would like to. This leads to another issue: waking up in the morning. This might not be one you would think of, but it is a lot harder to find your way out from under the covers when there is another warm body sleeping peacefully next to you!
Speaking of covers, sharing them has proved to be somewhat of a challenge as well. Daniel doesn’t like the sheets to be tucked into the mattress around him, while I like to have a neatly made bed before I climb into it. Once I’m off in dreamland, though, that rule apparently no longer applies. Daniel calls me a “burrito”, because while I’m asleep I like to steal the covers away from him by rolling up into them, leaving him shivering.
Like I said, this stuff is all pretty silly for the most part. I’ve touched on other struggles in the past few months, such as balancing time spent with friends and family, and making decisions about money. The thing is that overall, I feel like Daniel and I did a very good job in preparing for marriage. We had our priorities and goals in sync with one other, which I think is the most important thing. In fact, our lives were already so intertwined before we got married that actually getting married and moving in together made our relationship easier. That is why answering this question was difficult for me. Our situation was pretty unique, though; we know this isn’t how it is for most people.
Maybe some readers who have been married for longer than Daniel and I have can help me out with answering this question about the struggles involved in the blending of lives in the sacrament of marriage…
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